I can remember the first night with my puppy so clearly. I had put her in her crate beside my bed and she cried and cried. It was the most heartbreaking sound in the world. Finally I caved and brought that tiny puppy into my bed. She curled up right beside me and from then on we both slept soundly taking comfort in each other. Last night, 13 years later I held my dog beside me in bed for what was to be her last night on this earth. Again, we took comfort in each other’s presence knowing that we were there for each other as we have been all of these years.
Tonight we say goodbye to Roxy. I have been dreading this day since the first time I picked up my beautiful pup and fell instantly in love with her. Since that moment I have wondered how I will ever live without her and today I will find out. Some of you might read this and think “it’s just a dog”. I can assure you that Roxy is the furthest thing from “just a dog” that there is.
She has been my confidant, my best friend, my nurse maid and my therapist. She has been there with me through break ups, illness, my marriage and the birth of all three of my children. It was HER photograph that I took with me into the delivery room when I had my first baby. It was her that stood sentinel by my side with every challenge that life threw my way. She is my happy place.
Last night I had a dream. I dreamed that I faced some of my demons and set myself free. In my dream my demons had placed Roxy in a tiny cage. She lay crumbled on the floor unable to move and in very bad shape. I let her out of her cage and we ran away together. At first she struggled to walk, but as we got further and further away she started to run and wag her tail. She was free.
I truly feel that Roxy was sending me a message last night as we lay together. She was telling me that I’ve got this. That it’s time to set her free and so I shall. I shall free her the way that she has freed me for the past 13 years.
Last night my sister said to me “How lucky that you had a relationship so beautiful that it hurts so much when it ends.” I couldn’t agree more. We are the lucky ones.
Rest Easy sweet girl. You will never ever be forgotten.